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massochism) wrote2023-12-22 02:50 pm
Inbox - Golden Peacock
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25 / male / gay / 3♦
Details
Hello, my name is Olivine. I'm a priest of the God of Klein, and I enjoy helping others in my free time. I'm also a healer, so if you ever find yourself in need, please don't hesitate to seek me out for assistance or conversation or both.
I like to think myself quite easy to get along with, and I'm happy to make friends and acquaintances. I've been told I can be a little too optimistic sometimes, but I can't really help it. Ah, and I've been working on myself of late to become more self-confident, with the help of others around me.
For the moment, I'm just looking to make connections. If I can, I'd also like to find something to do with myself—I have experience with several creative endeavours.
I may not be able to offer much now, but I hope to become more helpful in the future. Please bear with me in the interim.
As I mentioned before, I'm a healer and a priest. I also know a fair bit of magic, at least how it works in my own world. On top of that, I enjoy painting and writing.
I have a penchant for trying new things, even when they may seem strange. I'm quite... resilient, when it comes to that.
Oh, I don't know. I like a lot of fantasy books, especially ones with intrigue and romance in them, as well as tomes and history books. I also quite enjoy church music, though... I suppose I just like music in general. Things that are pleasant to listen to and soothe the heart.
I haven't gotten a chance to experience much in the way of food, personally. I do love home-cooked meals and fresh breads, things that are flavourful and comforting.
Well... I think my ideal partner would be someone strong-willed, confident, and warm-hearted. Someone kind and understanding, who can accept me as I am.
Mm... and it wouldn't hurt if he was someone playful and a bit rough. I like it when I'm taken by surprise, in all senses of the word, by someone I trust. Of course... it's also best if they can handle a little playfulness in return.
WINE
.02 CLOWNS OR MIMES
CLOWNS
.03 SHOWER OR BATH
BATH
.04 PIRATES OR NINJAS
PIRATES
.05 TITS OR ASS
TITS
.06 COFFEE OR TEA
TEA
.07 SPICY OR SWEET
SWEET
.08 SUMMER OR WINTER
SUMMER
.09 LEATHER OR LACE
LACE
10. ROUGH SEX OR GENTLE SEX
ROUGH SEX
ENFJ-T
no subject
I'm sure they would be happy that you kept taking care of it.
[moving to rest his hand over the one grazing the floor, he lets their fingers intertwine.]
It does... and I'm only not used to it because I was... well, everyone had such high expectations of me, after all. Even when I was little.
[needing help or support wasn't much of an option for him.]
The love is worth it, too. Even in the face of them leaving. I'm glad we got to experience it here, and we have permanent reminders that it was real.
no subject
Maybe this is wrong of me to say, because I don't know how you were brought up. But you can have high expectations of someone and still show them love and affection. My parents always had high expectations for me, and... until my father died, at least, I never felt like I was on my own. And... Alhaitham doesn't talk about his grandmother that much, but I know the same is true for him...
[ He sighs. Tries to focus on that feeling of injustice instead of the strange, bitter feeling of having "reminders".
After all, he's not sure he has that many. ]
Slips in the religious trauma and parental yikes cws actually
[that alone says more about Olivine's upbringing than he would like... and slipping into the thought of his upbringing leaves him unaware that he should perhaps clarify what "reminders" he means are things like this treehouse.]
I... [again his gaze drifts to the drink in his other hand, the serenity of his expression shifting just a little to something more... guilty, more tired. Smiling wryly, he chuckles before speaking again.] It's a little hard to talk about it at length, I suppose. My upbringing was far from the norm, yes. As God's Chosen One, it centered around being a proper priest... a proper pillar and ear for the people.
[The longer he's here, the more he talks about it, and the more he's forced to confront the reality of how deeply fucked up it all was. Clinging to the excuse of his parents wanting the best? Practically impossible.]
My parents are very... traditional. And I struggle to fit into that confined space, so I've rarely really been "good enough."
T_T
Don't say it like that, [ he insists, voice strident despite the fact he's whispering, lips pressing firm into the other's hair. ] You've always been good enough. If they didn't see that... that's on them, Olivine. Not you.
[ He pulls back to look down at him, gaze serious. ]
You need to remember that, okay? And if you can't... if you can't, then you tell me. I'll remember it for you.
[ His hand lifts, brushing against Olivine's cheek. ]
You've always been good enough.
no subject
[Kaveh pulls him close and Olivine curls his free hand around the blond's arm. Guilt flickers through him at the sound in it, the shimmer of tears in spite of the firm words. It... isn't the first time he's made this mistake, he supposes, but it feels terrible every time.]
... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like I thought I wasn't good enough.
[As much as he's still hurting for want of recognition from them... his expression is complex as Kaveh looks down at him, trying to find the right words to not cause further distress. It's a complex subject, after all.]
... I do remember it. [He says it quietly, fingers stroking the soft skin of Kaveh's arm.] People here have made that... fairly clear, and back home, the other clan members did much the same.
[a hand finds his cheek and he quiets for a moment, leaning into the warmth of it. There's so much he wants to say, but the words feel thick and heavy on his tongue.]
I... I'm not sure if I'll ever fully believe it, even though I know it's true with most people. I'm... afraid to, maybe. More than losing people, even. I was alone for so long, so even though the idea of being alone again is suffocating... it's something I can endure.
If I was always good enough... then I don't really know if I can accept the things I had to do to atone for my failures.
[It's... not the conversation he intended to start, but the words tumble free nonetheless. He's careful with them, both out of shame and the acute need to downplay what he's gone through.]
no subject
He knows how it is, not to see yourself the way others around you do.
He reaches up, running his fingers through the other's hair. ]
I don't know enough about your past to answer some of those questions, [ he says after a moment, his voice soft. ] But... I know how it is. To not believe it, even though the others around me do. But I think...
[ He sighs. Maybe there's nothing he can say that others haven't already, but.. ]
You're special, Olivine. And the things you see as failures... I'm sure that in the eyes of others, they're nothing so drastically terrible.
no subject
[He struggles a lot with the idea, of course. If his failures weren't so drastic, then what did that make his punishments? Once in a while, he can still feel them, even though the marks and scars are gone or faded to practical nothingness.
Kaveh's hands keep him from falling headfirst into all of those thoughts and emotions. Brushing through his hair, they soothe much of the ache he has to nurse.]
... I'm glad that you think so. [quiet, honest.] It's not—mmn. That is to say, it's hard to talk about it. Perhaps they're not so significant to others, but it's been... difficult to see past the expectations I was taught. And I always wanted to make my parents happy. It's been... easier, being here, since I can't worry about getting a letter from them about what I've done wrong this time.
Not to mention I have wonderful people like you with me.
no subject
He sighs, pressing a soft kiss into the other man's hair. ]
You haven't done anything wrong here. Time and time again, you've done the best you could under the circumstances we've been given. It hasn't been easy for any of us. But I'm proud of you.
no subject
His words are—overwhelming, at least a little. Olivine still isn't used to hearing it, even though it's happened repeatedly in his time here and with the clan members and Eiden.]
I...
[without much thought, he buries himself against Kaveh's side all the more, blinking back tears as his arms wrap around his friend's waist. The instinct to dismiss what he's done is strange, but so strong. And the last thing he wants is for Kaveh to feel like his words are being dismissed besides.]
... thank you. I'm... I'm glad. Truly.
[He nearly rambles on, right back into that negative space, but catches himself enough to hold his tongue and just nuzzle the other man's shoulder. His tongue feels uncharacteristically clumsy and he just wants to bask in this feeling of not being alone, now.]
no subject
He doesn't draw attention to it, simply hugs the other that little bit closer—and remains doing so for a while in silence, until he's sure that the worst of it must have passed. Only then does he pull back, offering Olivine a small, quiet smile. ]
C'mon, let's enjoy this wine. I have snacks, too. We'll feel better if we eat and drink a little.