[this is definitely one of the biggest brick walls of trauma Olivine has, and he's happy to not continue belittling himself using all the words someone else had. that question is still hard to answer, but... it's worlds better than thinking about all the letters.]

Mm... that's... [pausing, he hums softly and considers his words. it gives him time to check the soup and dole it out for them both.]

There was a time when I hated it, too. When I thought what I wanted was just to be free of the responsibilities, the eyes of people, the expectations and the horrible parts of the world. If it was all gone, then I wouldn't have to worry about letting anyone down.

But after I met Eiden, I couldn't see it that way anymore. The world can be dark and terrifying, but it's full of wonderful little blossoms of colour. My siblings, Eiden, the others, and you, for example. [his smile is softer now, tinged with the smallest bit of sadness.] For everything I thought I hated, there are so many more things and people that I love, and who I want to help and see succeed, no matter how difficult.